29
Jan
10

Reed Students Oppose Choking Chickens

If you live anywhere in the Pacific Northwest, you’re probably well aware, at least by olfactory recognition, of Reed College — the nappiest, liberal campus you’ll find this side of Berkeley circa 1968.

Well, Reed has a tradition of hosting a week of “alternative education” where students receive institution funds to teach classes on whatever they like, such as farming, stripping (no, seriously), or just generally being a waste of space.

Inside Higher Ed reports on the strange but predictable saga of Reed student Gabriel Holt, who decided it would be cool to teach a class on how to properly slaughter and dress a chicken:

Last Sunday, Holt was supposed to lead a demonstration on “how to properly slaughter, clean and dress a chicken.” In his mind, the course was supposed to help students build a closer connection to their food and understand how to eat poultry in a more responsible fashion, with an eye toward sustainability. “In Portland, there’s a great movement toward urban agriculture and urban homesteading,” Holt said.

You can probably guess what happened next. Weepy animal rights activists threw a tantrum, sent letters, felt important, etc. Holt received threatening letters via e-mail and facebook — all the usual mob tactics (definitely not a safe space).

Holt, sick of stupid hippies all up in his face, decided to be the bigger, more awesome man and canceled the chicken-killing part of the class. But, not wanting to completely disappoint the students who paid for the class, he used the money to buy already-dead chickens and beer for a party.

With his event scheduled to go ahead, minus the controversial slaughtering, Holt awoke last Sunday to a surprise. The four hens he and his housemates kept in a chicken coop in their backyard – for strictly egg-laying purposes – were gone. He suspects that someone raided the coop in the middle of the night, thinking that these were the chickens to be slaughtered.

“I’ve never raised chickens for meat purposes,” Holt said. “The farm that I had originally planned to get old hens for slaughtering at – before I canceled the event – is actually planning slaughtering classes this spring, so the hens I was going to buy will probably be killed anyway.”

Hippies: Even when they win, they still lose.

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1 Response to “Reed Students Oppose Choking Chickens”


  1. 1 Vincent
    January 30, 2010 at 5:26 am

    I eagerly await Reed’s courses on such multi-cultural subjects as how to properly kill and eat another human in accordance with New Guinean cannibal customs.

    I also eagerly await the rivers of blood that will flow through the streets of Portland when the brains of all these self-righteous campus activists’ heads spontaneously dissolve whilst trying to decide which is worse, eating another human being or disrespecting the culture of native New Guineans who are, after all, the victims of oppression and whose culture must be respected.


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