Government Apparatchik Blames Lag, “Hax” for Lack of “Pwnage”

White House Budget Director Pete Orszag, in his tireless quest to increase efficiency in the government, has identified old computers and “outdated technology” as a significant source of waste:

A big reason why the government is inefficient and ineffective is because Washington has outdated technology, with federal workers having better computers at home than in the office.


The White House release that included Orszag’s comments said one “specific source” of ineffective and inefficient government is the huge technology gap between the public and private sectors that results in billions of dollars in waste, slow and inadequate customer service and a lack of transparency about how dollars are spent.

Orszag was also quoted as saying:

The main problem we’re facing, in terms of government efficiency, is low frame rates. Once we upgrade every federal employee’s computer to 64-bit quad core processors with 8 gigs of RAM and DirectX 11 compatible video cards, I think we’ll see some of the lag problems we’ve been experiencing disappear.

Of course that doesn’t mean that we don’t face significant challenges from people using aimbots and other hax to degrade the public’s experience at the DMV, for instance, but leet new computers will be a big step up. No longer will customers find themselves waiting months, if not years, to get their FEMA checks just because some stupid guild keeps griefing public employees and camping their corpses while they’re trying to level up. Upgrading our technology is a step in the right direction.

It is the considered opinion of my office that new computers for federal employees is, in a sense, the BFG9000 of good governance.

Or, as Glenn Reynolds says: “Funny, it seems the government was a lot more effective fifty or sixty years ago, when it hardly had any computers at all, but better people in charge…”

Yeah. Funny, that.


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