It’s not exactly turning water into wine

Just in time for the holidays, the second-largest Danish newspaper says that Obama is bigger than Jesus because he (i.e. Obama) managed to pass a compromised, highly unpopular health care bill and toss around a few trillion dollars:

Despite all the compromises, it has finally been possible to ensure something so fundamental, as the right of every American not to be financially shipwrecked when their health fails them. Add to that the biggest ever financial support package in America’s history, a major disarmament agreement and the quickest-ever re-establishment of American reputation.

On the other hand, we have Jesus’ miracles that everyone still remembers, but which only benefitted a few. At the same time, we have the wonderful parables about his life and deeds that we know from the New Testament, but which have been interpreted so differently over the past 2000 years that it is impossible to give an unequivocal result of his work.

Obama is, of course, greater than Jesus – if we have to play that absurd Christmas game.

And as Obama was traveling between Washington D.C. and Hawaii he came upon a leper. And the leper said, “Lord, we have heard that you perform great works and miracles. If it your will, I shall be healed.” Obama said unto the leper, “Truly, your faith has saved you, for you are now mandated by law to purchase health insurance.” The leper replied, “Isn’t that unconstitutional? That’s what my leper friend Brad says, but he watches a lot of Fox News. Anyways, you truly are the Son of God, but I was kind of hoping for a single-payer plan, or at least maybe a public option.”

Obama departed from him then and returned to Air Force One, and a great crowd followed after him, proclaiming with tepid enthusiasm his works.

Of course, the real metric of which figure is a greater comes down to this: Does Obama ride dinosaurs? No. Did Jesus? Probably. And before I forget: “absurd Christmas game?” Man, Europeans are weird.

Hat tip to Mark Hemingway.


3 Responses to “It’s not exactly turning water into wine”

  1. 1 Vincent
    December 29, 2009 at 10:36 pm

    I’m still stuck trying to figure out how forcing every single American to purchase insurance from “greedy,” “profit-driven” insurance companies is supposed to be an improvement over having an option of whether or not you want to give your money to “greedy,” “profit-driven” insurance companies.

    As for all this stuff about the “re-establishment of American reputation,” what magical universe is this clown living in?

  2. 2 Vincent
    December 29, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    I don’t like how this template hides links in comments.

  3. 3 CJ Ciaramella
    December 29, 2009 at 11:45 pm

    I can fix that in the CSS code. I’m also going to make that damn picture of me stop showing up in the comment bar in the right-hand column.

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