But the 2000’s still sucked pretty hard.
Archive for December, 2009
Just in time for the holidays, the second-largest Danish newspaper says that Obama is bigger than Jesus because he (i.e. Obama) managed to pass a compromised, highly unpopular health care bill and toss around a few trillion dollars:
Despite all the compromises, it has finally been possible to ensure something so fundamental, as the right of every American not to be financially shipwrecked when their health fails them. Add to that the biggest ever financial support package in America’s history, a major disarmament agreement and the quickest-ever re-establishment of American reputation.
On the other hand, we have Jesus’ miracles that everyone still remembers, but which only benefitted a few. At the same time, we have the wonderful parables about his life and deeds that we know from the New Testament, but which have been interpreted so differently over the past 2000 years that it is impossible to give an unequivocal result of his work.
Obama is, of course, greater than Jesus – if we have to play that absurd Christmas game.
And as Obama was traveling between Washington D.C. and Hawaii he came upon a leper. And the leper said, “Lord, we have heard that you perform great works and miracles. If it your will, I shall be healed.” Obama said unto the leper, “Truly, your faith has saved you, for you are now mandated by law to purchase health insurance.” The leper replied, “Isn’t that unconstitutional? That’s what my leper friend Brad says, but he watches a lot of Fox News. Anyways, you truly are the Son of God, but I was kind of hoping for a single-payer plan, or at least maybe a public option.”
Obama departed from him then and returned to Air Force One, and a great crowd followed after him, proclaiming with tepid enthusiasm his works.
Of course, the real metric of which figure is a greater comes down to this: Does Obama ride dinosaurs? No. Did Jesus? Probably. And before I forget: “absurd Christmas game?” Man, Europeans are weird.
Hat tip to Mark Hemingway.
The following story just showed up in my RSS Feed:
“It is the third case this year when court in N.Ossetia sentences Russian citizen for spaying for Georgia.”
The Medvedev government must be a lot less stable than it appears if they’re going around throwing veterinarians in jail for fixing cats on behalf of other countries.
As detailed in the December 24, 2009 issue of the Eugene Weekly, the “Eugene Anti-Hate Task Force” has “strongly condemned” a recent meeting held by the Pacifica Forum, a local organization that has a long history of hosting controversial, often anti-Semitic events at the University of Oregon campus, among other general lunacy. Their most recent escapade was a “celebration of National Socialism” during which one speaker reputedly “blamed ‘Jewish lies’ for the Iraq War, praised the swastika as a symbol of white people, showed a neo-Nazi propaganda video, and led several audience members in an enthusiastic Nazi salute.”
Lovely stuff, really, and the “Eugene Anti-Hate Task Force” is certainly to be commended for publicly rebuking the Pacifica Forum’s latest excess.
Fresh off of parting suckers from their money by peddling third rate video games (hint: when the review says “breathtaking landscapes… augmented by cutting-edge 3D scenes, video and an original music soundtrack”, what they really mean is “we use a lot of quicktime animation and hired a wannabe New Age musician with some synthesizer software”), everyone’s favorite pseudo-science huckster, Deepak Chopra, is back… and this time, he’s pissed.
Lunatic would-be terrorist tries to blow up plane. Lunatic Huffington Post readers blame Cheney, Birthers, Neocons, Glenn Beck, Tea Partiers, and Republicans. Lunatic Redstate and Michelle Malkin readers blame the Obamas, lack of racial profiling, Democrats.
Everyone with half a brain takes a shot and hopes this was an isolated incident.